Fox Drama-rama! Weather could kill you! EEeek!

Could be it's just me.....but the weather reports on the local news channels have me howling with gales of good deep gut laughter.

Right now winter is in full swing in the northern hemisphere, in Ohio and -gosh-who'd have ever thought it? It's snowing!! Just like it has done for the last century -every frikkin' winter.

Instead of an objective report on temperatures, snowfall and windchill factors, stories are peppered with personal commentary on -"bbbrrr" -how cold it is, and advice-"wrap up warm, there's a bit of frostbite about, your digit might drop off"! They speed up the pace, feign concern as they report the number of accidents there's been on the icy Columbus roads (very few really, much to the consternation of the news editors I'm sure). There are heartrending tales of unsalted avenues and hardluck stories showing us which poor yuppie had to resort to the common folk labor of shovelling snow off the cement driveway in front of their double garage. Just when they've convinced you that half the north pole has slipped and fell onto 170 they change tack, and tell you where you can go for the latest winter coat sale! ("Look good or drop dead" being the thinly veiled message here! It's never too cold to be a capitalist!)

Once winter is over, then Fox's fear mongers, botox heads and doppler dingbats get busy -panic reporting on scarey springtime- "eeek, watch out for the pollen! - Big yellow chunks of ' terrorist Al Qaeda fuzzballs; they're just lookin for a nose dive right up your sneeze hole!"

They'll tell you over and over, to: becareful of going outdoors because of dem sneaky allergy attacks, poisonous pollen levels (quick advert for the flu shot you can get at Walmart, -coming soon: appendectomies at Walgreens, and a summer special: gallbladder ops at Big Lots), and scary Easter Lillies that kill your cats.

Summer ofcourse brings death right to your doorstep because (who'd have thunk it)..it's hot! Gasp! Horror! Pant! (Quick cut to customers queuing up and wiping out store supplies of deodorant and bottled Californian tap water). All sorts of threats to your life can happen in summer. You could expire from dehydration, wilt and drop dead due to hot temperatures, (probably cos you are still wearing that coat you bought in the winter sales). An evil thunderstorm could purposely throw down a lightening bolt to hit some poor unsuspecting golfer in the middle of his game! (Might be wise to remember if you have facial piercings, to wear a ski mask during lightning storms.)

In the fall, there's that nasty chore yuppies hate to do: hiring local mexicans to rake up their leaves to pile in those little paper bags to leave on the curb for the garbage trucks to pick up. (Hasn't anyone here ever heard of "composting"?). And never forget, your house could get broken into by gangs of marauding squirrels who have parties in your attic.

The most hilarious part is the forced "concern" that the local well coiffed newsbots feign. "And make sure to take your umbrella"!

Oh f*ckem! These faked up little cardboard cut out people with their Victoria Beckham hairdo's, and neat little jackets. They look like Amway sales people...like a Christian version of the Stepford Wives, (some of the women too....!)

If I want to know what the weather is like today, I will look out the window. If I want to know whether it's sunny or rainy, I will open the door and check. Hmm..cold or hot? Well stuff yer doppler radar where the sun don't shine! My nipples are more reliable! -And if I want to know whether I need to: "wrap up warm, take an umbrella, wear a coat or hard hat" I will call me mum and ask!

"Weather crew". Lol. One of the local TV station slogans is "first warning weather"....but they are all about the "warning" and not much about the weather." Eek watch out, here comes a cloud..."

Geez....Fox has no embarrassment factor here... Let the meteorologists be metereologists, and stop making them read the weather like they are in the Young and the Restless. You've wussified the lot of them. Winter in Ohio? The bigger snowjob takes place INSIDE the studio, not outdoors. What a pack of silly twats.