good grief or bad?

Grieving is a serious business, it's been over a year since my
ex husband ran off with his ex wife. (And it's humiliating
to mourn a such a cliched scenario.)

It's been a short while since my rebounder relationship went bung.
(Another womanizer- another cliched con).

The whole year has been marked with betrayals and losses.
You can tell when you've got it bad when you're reading the book
of Job thinkin' "what's he complainin about....?"

But there comes the time when you can't help but think,
"when am I going to get over this?" You want to be able to
let mates and family know: "scuse me but I am temporarily
insane while I am in mourning"...

You can tell your friends and those who love you are worried about
you too. So you try to do the smiley Walmart greeting face...but..
it's fake. It's dishonest. You end up feeling like a kid at a sports event
who fumbles the ball while his family are watching.

It's a self centered damned business too. I keep trying to pop
the balloons at my own pity party, my thoughts become environmentally
unfriendly recyclers, and my heart feels like a cheese grater- riddled with
holes and crumbs of old crusty love.

I keep stepping on my own self esteem.

I understand that grief is necessary. I am allowing myself
to fully feel, (without the numbing agents I used to employ:
vodka and red wine), but just when does bad grief become good?

Where are the jokes in all of this???