I had a dream

There is what you want, and then there is what is.

"What is" is the hardest thing to face for idealists
like myself.

I am not blessed with the noble dreams of
a Martin Luther King...

I had a dream recently where my subconcious
revealed so much ridiculous content.
My ex husband, and rebound boyfriend stood
together in a darkened room
lit overhead by a flood light. They both held
shotguns by their sides. It was
as if they were displays in a waxworks
museum.

I was crouched in a darkened corner viewing them.

I remember saying to myself in the dream,
"Is that was what I was afraid of?
Squiddly diddly and Jabba the hutt?"

And I then opened an escape hatch in
the corner of the room behind me
and crawled out.

The dream ended. (with no credits!!)

Who knew my subconcious could have held
onto such sarcasm? But in the dream it was the
sarcasm that led me to escape. Or maybe in the dream
I saw things as they really were. I had given away
such power, such love to characters who really
weren't worth that energy.

I had been intimidated by their threats: threats
of abandonment, physical threats, threats of
witholding love, threats to my emotional,
physical and spiritual wellbeing.

What was that? Love? Or a bizarre addiction to
pain that I have had? Why the need to prove myself
worthy of love to those incapable of giving it?

When I google searched for squiddly diddly,
I found a little smiley faced octopus creature
who tried in vain to get fame and recognition.
It fit the description of my ex husband quite well.
I was amazed to find that I had held onto the
memory of such a cartoon character. I had forgotten
it even existed.

The tricky part is acknowledging (as with all dreams)
that every character in your dream does represent
an aspect of yourself. So I have squiddly diddly
and jabba the hutt male energies.
I have people pleasers and people
consumer energies present. I have threatening
qualities that I have to work with. Where have
I hurt and/or threatened others? Where have I
behaved like a two dimensional cartoon?
Jung where are you when I need you?

I hope the escape hatch means I have removed
myself from these static energies. Now that I have
named them and observed them (still and waxlike)
I am capable of transforming them into
more nobler aspects.

Astro boy and Luke skywalker perhaps? Atom Ant and
Milton the Monster?

Who knew that my love life would have come to
have resembled a cartoon?

I'm still grieving over these energies too.
Ridiculous grief....Betty Boop in mourning.
Lots of listening to music, sexual naivety and
blinking. Innocent and imagined
powerlessness.

Bring on Roger Ramjet.